


Coffee's For Closers

by jkateel



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Coffee, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1245232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jkateel/pseuds/jkateel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus learns why no one should come between a human and her coffee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee's For Closers

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt by Flutiebear, "Shakarian: 'an errant cup of coffee.'" I played on the meaning of errant for this prompt. Also, I've been heavily influenced by tarysande's Shepard lol.

Garrus was used to Shepard’s little inventions: her omni-tool upgrade that allowed her to hack into any system with a four-to-five code sequence; her gun mods that turned regular scopes into heat-vision ones; the levitating exercise wheel for her space hamster.

The last one probably should have prepared him for her more _unique_ inventions.

“You invented a VI program that warns you when your coffee is growing cold.”

“And it helps keep it warm too,” Shepard answered and, as if on cue, the little VI in her blue coffee cup chimed in.

“ _Commander Shepard, heat systems are activating. Please handle this beverage with care._ ”

Shepard quirked her eyebrows in amusement. Garrus felt his mandibles twitch, before he gestured at her cup. “What’s wrong with cold coffee?”

It was like he had flipped a switch: James, sitting at the mess table, choked on his coffee; Cortez, at the fridge, turned to regard Garrus with a look of horror; even Dr. Chakwas turned disbelieving eyebrows his way. It had been a while since he had accidentally stumbled into a human _faux pas_ (as Shepard had taken to calling them in the early days), so Garrus was left bewildered by their reactions.

He didn’t fail to notice how Shepard perceived their reactions — but like his own sharp eyes, she rarely missed anything. Her lips quirked toward a smile, and she shot Garrus a thoughtful look, asking him to play along. He flicked his mandibles again to acquiesce, and her amused look feigned to one of pure horror that rivaled Cortez's.

“Vakarian,” she began, a hand falling to her hip. Garrus couldn’t help following that movement with his eyes. “Have you ever _had_ cold coffee?”

Garrus didn’t really have to play along to answer that. “I believe coffee is one of those levo things that could kill me, Shepard,” he drawled casually.

She waved her hand — not dismissing him; instead acknowledging his point. “It’s a killer for us too,” she said, James nodding vigorously. “Nothing kills morale faster than cold coffee.”

James let out a _damn right, Lola_.  Shepard nodded at him. “My invention will save lives, Garrus,” she declared triumphantly, cocking her hip to the side.

He could tell she was being hyperbolic, but he was confused by that. “You have cold coffee all the time, at that coffee place—” Oh, what was it called? “That _Starbucks_ place. They put ice in the coffee there.”

She waved her hand again. “That’s different — that’s deliberate. Coffee that goes cold on its own — that’s just _wrong_.”

“You tell ‘im, Lola,” James said, and even Cortez was nodding now. Dr. Chakwas’s shoulders were shaking in silent laughter. Funny enough, only minutes ago, the entire group had been quiet and somber — who knew a conversation about coffee could get them so energized, Garrus thought.

Shepard had read the room right, but that was her talent. Garrus didn’t mind he had to take the bullet for his lack of knowledge on human customs, and it was fun to keep the game going. “Let’s hope the Reapers never discover this secret,” he joked, Shepard shooting him a quick grin.

“One of Earth’s countries once fought a war with someone that tried to make us drink tea instead of coffee,” she drawled, and then took a pointed slurp from her mug. She threw him a sultry wink. “You can guess who won.”

“Hurrah!” James cried. Chakwas lifted her mug into the air.

“Lord have mercy on those who come between a human and their coffee,” she said, and then smiled wickedly. “Except for the Reapers, of course.”

Everyone laughed. The talk then shifted to Shepard’s invention, Chakwas asking if Shepard could make her one as well. That started a whole slew of requests from other crew members who were in the mess hall, Shepard starting to take count on her omni-tool. Garrus smiled, and that was how he left them, heading toward the main battery.

Shepard came in not longer after, bumping into him affectionately as she came up to his side. “Thanks for playing along,” she said, as she leaned against his console, mug in hand. Garrus’s mandibles flicked in amusement.

“You know me. I always appreciate being a… what is that you call it? A human guinea pig?”

She laughed. “I’d call it ‘taking one for the team,’ but that works too.” She set her coffee down so she could reach up and wrap her arms around his cowl, pushing a kiss to his mouth. “I do appreciate it,” she murmured, voice soft.

He wrapped his hands around his waist, but before he could return the kiss, the coffee mug’s VI chimed in.

“ _Commander Shepard, for optimal flavor, you should consume your coffee within the next ten minutes_.”

“Your coffee is growing cold,” Garrus said pointedly, flicking his mandibles again. Shepard grinned, her hands lifting up massage the back of his fringe.

“Some things are worth dying for,” she murmured in a low voice, and Garrus growled before he kissed her.

**Author's Note:**

> That's not why the American Revolution was fought, but considering it's 100 years in the future, who knows what future humanity believes about pre-space Earth lol.


End file.
